Emptiness
by ArtisLasair
Summary: Each decision taken in our present can change in an irreversible way the future of each one of us.After 10 years, Sasuke gets his revenge and returns to Konoha, dreaming of a new life. Would the avenger be ready to pay the price of his choices?[translated


This fanfiction is dedicated to fanartist Kagaya. Thank you for allow me use your fanfiction texts to finish my own fanfiction, I hope you like of results. ( Translated from my fanfiction "Vazio", wrote in portuguese)

**_Disclaimer_**

_I don't own Naruto & Inc. but I'm taking care of them while Kishimoto enjoy his vacations_.

_**EMPTYNESS**_

"_**Have you ever wondered about your past actions?"**_

"_**Have you ever regretted a decision to the point of thinking that nothing else made sense?"**_

"_**Have you reached your personal goals just to feel as a loser instead of a winner, to realize that everything was a great waste of time?"**_

"_**I never had experienced this feeling before – up until today."**_

I admire the beautiful sunset, watching the blue sky very slowly become purple - to behold this scenery at Konoha after so much time brings painful memories back… Memories I judged lost forever.

And even if this dissatisfies me, I put myself to admit I missed all of this.

"_**As I missed lots of things that I won't have the guts to say out loud."**_

"_**For example, how I missed them."**_

I sigh, bored, next to a large window of the Homage's building, where I sense the sunset lights warming me, embracing my whole body into an amorous welcome hug. This provides me a good sensation and for a small moment, it almost makes me forget about the cold salon behind, where the trophy of the greatest of my conquests rests.

The reason of my existence, since all my clan had been murdered without warning or a plausible motive.

"_**After too many sacrifices, I finally concluded my mission"**_

At the middle of the ostentatious salon, encircled of decorative wreaths and lots of empty chairs, there is a dark wood coffin, in which rests the most skillful shinobi ever born at Konoha.

The Uchiha's clan killer: my older brother, Uchiha Itachi.

I killed him with my own hands.

"_**So, why can't I feel triumphant?"**_

I close my dark eyes, feeling the warmth of the sun getting weak. The sun recoils lazily, giving up the sky and allowing the darkness to control its lands until next morning.

The same darkness that has been filling my soul since this awesome nightmare has been started.

And like other times, she appears. With her face cloudy by sadness and with her green eyes taken by tears, begging me to stay in Konoha.

"_**Begging me to stay with her"**_

I remember how hard it was to leave Konoha while my heart was bleeding, in deep pain, for leaving Sakura there. When I embraced her in my arms and could feel her warmth, a strange pain in my chest made me hesitate, almost giving up everything to stay with her, my precious flower. I really wished that goodbye hug had never been broken.

I try not facing my delicate flower as I uselessly try removing the passionate glow of those enchanting green eyes from my sick mind.

The innocent glow that I deeply wished to see again and, for a long time, it was the only encouragement to complete my revenge. A tenuous promise of happiness, but it was enough to keep the fire of hope alive in my heart, and make me wish to come back as soon as possible to start a new life.

A whole life with you, when I could try everyday your sweet scent of sakura and lovable smiles, smiles that I longed to immortalize in our children... A new generation of Uchiha that know what means be truly loved.

I feel the hateful taste of a salty tear in my mouth, reminding me of how this has become an impossible dream.

"_**She doesn't belong to me anymore"**_

"_**Now, she belongs to Naruto. Curse you, fox-boy"**_

"_**Did she even belong to me at one point?"**_

Since I came back, I've been trying to believe that Sakura never loved me, not even a bit, or she would have waited for me. At least, this belief is keeping me far from madness, from losing the lingering sanity that remains in me.

Unfortunately, I'm tormented by a cursed voice that reminds me all the time that even if I'm able to chisel all people of Konoha, I won't be able to hide the truth from myself: to be a selfish person cost me too much - I gave my sweet cherry blossom to Naruto when I left her alone.

I decided that the most important thing was killing Itachi before moving on.

I sold my soul to Orochimaru in exchange of power.

I chose to go away and leave her alone.

I never imagined how it could be difficult to recognize this as a result of my bad choices. Those days, when I was blinded by a selfish goal, I really used to believe that to kill Itachi was more important for my own happiness than to just be with her.

And Sakura made a choice too: the most important for her was to be with someone who would never leave her alone.

_**"And what about me?"**_

_**"When will the people that I love stop leaving me?"**_

A strong incense smell invades my nostrils, bringing me back from my deep contemplation, turning my attention to the coffin at the middle of the room. The incense smoke goes up in spiral, probably trying to purge the sins done by the Ukiah's first born…

My older brother. The person that I wanted to become when I was just a stupid kid. The man that I killed for cursing me with the misfortune of becoming an avenger.

Forcing me to make him leave me, as everybody else that died during the way.

I get near the imposing dark-wooded coffin, decorated with the symbols of the Leaf Village and the Uchiha Clan, against my will - both put there by Tsunade-hime's orders. I didn't really understand what she meant when she said "You must mourn the bodies of your people, Sasuke-kun, or you may bitterly regret not doing it, later."

This hokage is very strange. Where did she get the idea that I could feel anything more than hatred and loathe for Itachi, after everything he did?

Now, after the sunset, the only light in the place comes from the lamps near the body, giving the surroundings a scary appearance. After so many years of having loneliness as my only companion, I ask myself why I feel so oppressed by the silence now.

I start to examine Itachi's pale face. He had worn that blankness mask since he left Konoha and had never demonstrated any kind of feelings for anyone, only hatred or despise.

Maybe my greatest frustration was the fact that he did not beg for his own life, never crying out in pain. Instead, he looked at me ironically, saying that in the end I had become just like him.

Again, Itachi's words seem to build a future, a future I refuse to accept.

_**"Someone loved by nobody and, like him, should die alone."**_

Smirking, I remember when I arrived at Konoha this morning. My old shinobi buddies were facing me in different ways: some of them looked surprised, others looked upset.

Actually, I didn't care about their thoughts: the only person I really cared about wasn't among those people. My eyes, red at that time, had been looking for that enchanting smile that made me dream through those ten sad years of loneliness.

The woman that would turn Itachi's curse to senseless words, thoughts of a bitter man who died alone.

How could I describe their looks when I finally heard Sacra's voice calling my name and saw a blond kid running into Tsunade-hime? How to explain the kind of feeling that filled up my heart when I finally could find the amazing woman that my Sakura had become?

How to explain the depth of my pain when I noticed her salient abdomen, showing an advanced pregnancy?

My beloved Sakura.

Pregnant.

I felt the emptiness grow and almost take my heart away, especially when I saw a possessive Naruto hugging Sakura´s waist, opening his other arm to embrace that blond kid that left Tsunade to run into him.

Calling my beautiful flower "mom".

And stupid Naruto, "dad".

"_**Sakura... I wished more than giving only my name to your son"**_

"_**I even dreamt of giving him my surname"**_

"_**But, because I made too many wrong choices"**_

"_**The boy that you are protecting in your arms"**_

"_**Has golden hair like the wheat instead of raven hair like an onyx stone."**_

All became quiet around us and, at that moment, my fancy sharingan cursed me with perception of other people's feelings. I couldn't believe what I got from them. What the hell were they feeling? Mercy? Pity?

Doesn't it sound ironic? Those insignificant people thought they were good enough to feel sorrow for me... Who did they think they were to face me with such a shameful feeling?

I hated all of them for watching me with so much pity in their eyes.

Was my face looking so miserable for those guys to give me that look? That's ok, I want them to know that I don't need their sympathy – I'm an avenger and I have finished my vengeance.

I won.

But, which kind of victory was that, in which the winner has no prize?

A loud laugh sounds outside of the building, bringing me back from my bitter thoughts to face a hard reality: I'm alone at Konoha´s building; mourning the dead body of the person that was at different times my safety and my abyss.

While I'm alone, outside this place each one of my old shinobi partners is coming back to their houses, meeting their families after dangerous and hard missions. Even if they have faced too many responsibilities, they can create bonds and have their own homes where there always will be someone waiting for them.

"_**I envy you, Naruto"**_

"_**For having so much time with her"**_

"_**And I hate myself for not killing you"**_

"_**While I searched for the strongest power of the Sharingan"**_

I feel the pressing in my chest increase... Why doesn't this damned feeling leave me? What did I do with my life in the end?

Ironically, my dreams of restoring my clan were destroyed by all the decisions I took to reach what I judged my main goal.

I stare at Itachi again, feeling the weight of being the last Uchiha as another burden to carry.

"_**Will there be a day when any Uchiha can be blessed with some peace?"**_

"_**Will there be any Uchiha after me?"**_

Maybe now I can understand a little of what Tsunade-hime meant, maybe not. I understand Itachi's words too, who died with such calm features. He was in peace because he knew he wouldn't die alone. I was there with him, until the end.

"_**I'm wondering if someone will be with me when my life is finally over."**_

The real world is cold. Sharp. Implacable, like all my actions.

I fall to my knees, allowing my tears to run freely for the first time in many years, without the guilt or fear of looking weak.

Anyway, who would reprove me now? And if they did? How would it be important now?

I cry for an eternity of hurt and sorrow that were locked in my chest, for the frustration of being so blind all the times life smiled at me with the possibility of being happy... Again, I feel the weight of all my wrong choices, condemning myself to an inevitable loneliness as I watch slowly the memories of a time in my life when there still were happy moments. I see myself as a twelve-year-old boy again, when Kakashi had the role of showing us how to be a real ninja... When I admired Naruto's great will. He who, despite being completely unprepared, came to grow faster than me, making me envy him.

I remember when I pretended to dislike Sakura´s sweet smiles even if her love worked as a balsam in my needy heart. I remember that I worried every time I thought I could lose her.

And it occurred, at last.

I'm seven years old again; I am that kid that used to dream of becoming his older brother. That kid that used to run home just to say a few words to him, even to listen from him that he didn't have any time for his little brother during his busy day and to receive a weak pull in the head.

The child that used to beg for a fragment of attention from that guy who was his only reference of perfection.

My mission as an avenger is done... And now? What should I do?

This emptiness in my chest didn't decrease...

Why?

"_**Nii-san…"**_

"_**I did everything you wanted"**_

"_**I cursed you"**_

"_**I hated you"**_

_**I survived in order to avenge our family … to kill you for killing everybody"**_

"_**I killed you" **_

"_**Why…"**_

"_**Why … Won't you let me go?"**_

"…_**Can´t I let you go?"**_

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Hello!

Well, I always saw Sasuke as a much more fragile person than he allowed himself to show: a really determined and dedicated person, but still fragile. Feeling evil, I tried to imagine what would happen if he were to return to Konoha, thinking he was the winner, just to see people had rebuilt their lives without him.

It's difficult to admit our own mistakes, isn't it?

I thank Bella Lamounier for revising this story and Mikky's patience to tolerate me as I imagined the scenes that happened around Sasuke during his self-analysis. I thank the fanartist Kagaya too, for allowing me to use her fanart to end the story and conclude it with a golden key. If anybody is interested in seeing her excellent work, I'm putting the link of the fanart here – visit and tell me if I wasn't right in being enchanted with the drawing.

Fan Art Letting Go, by Kagaya:

www (.) deviantart (.) com (/) view (/) 8716602 (/)

I hope you like it.

Kissus

Artis


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